Boundaries as a Gift: Supporting Your Mental Health During the Holidays

Written by Rachel Duffy, RCC, Registered Clinical Counsellor in Vancouver, BC

The holiday season can be a time of joy, warmth, and celebration, but for many, it can also bring stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion. Between family gatherings, social obligations, and the endless messaging and pressure to overspend, it's easy to lose sight of your own needs. Setting boundaries—both with yourself and others—is a powerful way to safeguard your well-being during this busy time of year. My colleague, Carleigh Martel, wrote an excellent primer on boundaries and is a great place to start learning about this topic. [Read Carleigh’s blog on boundaries here]

I hope this guide offers some holiday-specific tips for navigating the season with more ease. However, every situation is unique, and only you can know what's best. If you find that you need additional support, please reach out to book a session with one of our counsellors.

Boundaries are often thought of as a hard line communicated to others as "that is not okay with me." This is one example of how boundaries can indicate our limits, our values, and our needs. However, there are many other ways we can use boundaries to support our needs that go beyond direct communication. One helpful way to investigate this is to ask ourselves, "Do I have a need that I am not honouring?" Over the holidays, our needs can look like personal space, not engaging in specific conversations, drinking water, or sticking to our financial budget. The following points will explore some ways that boundaries might be helpful and supportive to you.

1. Be Kind to Your Body

The holidays can bring an onslaught of diet talk, body-shaming comments, or pressure to look a certain way. This can be especially triggering for those struggling with body image or eating-related issues. Establishing a boundary here might look like choosing not to engage in conversations about weight, appearance, or dieting. If those conversations arise, it's okay to politely excuse yourself or change the subject. If you notice an increase in negative or obsessive thoughts about your body or appearance, try to offer yourself some kind words and self-compassion. If self-talk feels challenging, you can also be kind to your body through your actions by going for a walk, drinking water, and prioritizing rest.

2. Navigating Difficult Conversations or Questions

Holiday gatherings can bring up difficult or intrusive questions, particularly from well-meaning family members. Whether it's about your career, relationships, health or life choices, these questions can feel overwhelming or invasive, especially if we expect our response to be met with judgment or disapproval. Setting boundaries in these situations might look like politely but firmly redirecting the conversation or letting people know you're not comfortable discussing certain topics. For example, you can say, "I'd prefer not to talk about that right now," or "That's a personal matter, but thanks for understanding." It might feel like you owe an answer or an explanation to their questions, but you get to decide what parts of yourself you share with others. It might be helpful to think of this boundary as protecting your privacy. 

3. Handling Challenging Family Dynamics

Family dynamics can be complicated, and the holidays often amplify these tensions. Whether dealing with critical relatives or those who push your buttons, establishing boundaries with family is key. Limiting your time with certain people who bring negativity or stress is okay. You can also set emotional boundaries, such as deciding in advance not to engage in certain types of arguments or discussions that are likely to escalate. Take breaks during family gatherings to recharge, even if it means stepping outside or going to the bathroom for a few minutes of quiet time.

An exercise I often share with clients is thinking of a forcefield or an energetic boundary surrounding you. Stretch your arms above your head and create a wide circle around you as you bring them down. Take a deep breath and imagine a semipermeable orb of light surrounding you. Imagine filtering the energy, comments, and behaviour of others through this orb of light and allowing it to provide some space before responding or reacting. We can choose not to let hurtful comments or chaotic energy pierce through this boundary, which might help us maintain a sense of peace.

4. Managing the Pressure to Do Everything

The holiday season is packed with expectations—attending every event, buying the perfect gifts, and ensuring everything is "just right." The pressure to do it all can quickly lead to burnout. Setting boundaries here might look like being honest about what you can handle (or what you want to handle) and giving yourself permission to say no. A helpful quote is to think, "Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself." It's okay to skip a party or not volunteer for every task. Notice if you are prioritizing the needs of others over your own and see if you can put yourself first sometimes. Whether carving out time for rest, a peaceful walk, or simply saying no to things that drain your energy, your well-being is important. Setting clear limits on your time and energy will allow you to show up with more space for connection and perhaps find more enjoyment this season.

5. Make Space for Your Feelings

The holiday season can bring up emotions, including grief, as memories of loved ones or past experiences resurface. We may be grieving an experience we never had but wanted to have. Setting boundaries during this time can be an act of care towards your emotional well-being. This might mean saying no to certain events, limiting time with people who don't support your feelings, or carving out moments of solitude when you need to process. It's okay to allow yourself the space to grieve without feeling pressured to conform to holiday expectations. By setting these boundaries, you give yourself permission to experience your emotions fully and take care of your mental health during a season that can be both joyful and challenging.

In conclusion, boundaries are a powerful tool for protecting your mental health during the holidays, a time that can often feel overwhelming and draining. By honoring your needs—whether it's taking care of your body, navigating difficult conversations or family dynamics, or simply giving yourself permission to rest—you can create space for more peace and joy in this busy season. Remember, boundaries are not about being rigid or unkind, but about caring for yourself in a way that allows you to show up as your best self.

If you're finding it difficult to navigate the holidays on your own or need additional support, I invite you to reach out and book a counselling session. Together, we can work on exploring boundaries that work for you, so you can embrace the season with more ease.

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